“Don’t Broadcast Your Heartbreak — but Don’t Lie About It, Either.”

social-media-etiquette

Life was simple before Mark Zuckerberg decided to give everyone in the world the opportunity to constantly be connected to people from the past and present.

 

Before Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat and even Twitter, both dating and being single were pleasant. My news feed is now a constant stream of “I’m engaged” or “look at who I’m dating now” photos. Of course, I could just make my life simple and remove myself from social media, but it’s addictive and the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

 

I love being able to have a place where my friends can share photos with each other and I can graciously look back and laugh at the one time I accidentally dyed my hair bleach blonde (more like orange, but okay) many moons ago (WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING?) but the miserable part of social media is when you are no longer a part of someone’s life.

 

In the 1950’s break-ups were simple. You ended things, you avoided the same social circles and you probably rarely had to see them again. In pre-internet movies, the rituals of how to deal with a breakup are well-documented (see – 10 Things I Hate About You.) You gather up everything your ex gave you, put it in a box, and either bury it or burn it. After that, the only times you have to be reminded of them are if you bump into each other in public or if “your song” comes on the radio.

 

But with the advents of social media, dealing with breakups is far less cut-and-dry. You don’t just break up with someone’s physical self — you have to break up with their social media presence, too. And between Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat — hell, even LinkedIn — getting rid of reminders of your former beloved is much easier said than done.

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“Don’t Broadcast Your Heartbreak — but Don’t Lie About It, Either.”

 

You are, of course, the only person who can decide how public you want to be about breakups, but lying about a breakup and pretending it never happened can only come back to haunt you. This is most often the route of jilted lovers who haven’t yet accepted that they’ve been dumped, but whatever the case, acting like you’re still coupled when you’re not has never been a good look.

 

Anyone who’s dated as much as me (but seriously, 3 relationships in 6 years – I don’t feel like I’ve dated all that much!) knows that not all breakups are created equal. There’s the amicable, “this isn’t working but I still care about you” breakup, and then there’s the “I curse you and your entire bloodline and never want to see you again” breakup — and, of course, tons of circumstances in between.

 

To judge just how far you need to go to avoid your ex online, you need to be brutally honest with yourself about how much they hurt you. If you underestimate your pain or anger, it will come back to haunt you when you don’t take the necessary steps to cut your ex out of your digital life.

 

Now there’s always some avenue to stay connected with people you’d rather have nothing to do with. Hence the ever serious dilemma of blocking someone from social media. As extreme as it may seem to block an ex, it’s much less so than seeing their face, name and comments all over your feeds. With the block feature (on Facebook and Twitter, at least), their comments and replies will be hidden even on posts from mutual friends – they’re literally non-existent. Sure, you might notice some “missing” replies now and again, but it’s better than seeing the words and face of the person who broke your heart.

 

On other platforms, like Instagram and Snapchat (and even Pinterest,) blocking can often be the only way to “unfriend” and not see posts or updates by your ex. Beyond just blocking you from seeing their posts, this feature also keeps them from e-stalking (or fixating on) your posts as well — a common post-breakup tactic regardless of who did the dumping.

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“Breakups hurt. But losing someone who doesn’t respect you is actually a gain. Not a loss.”

 

I decided to remove someone from all avenues of social media and it weirdly was a rather stressful decision. I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing I couldn’t handle seeing them be happy in their new (or previous, whatever) relationship. I didn’t want them to know they had that power over me and the truth is I didn’t want to admit it to myself on some level. In the face of self-preservation, I decided to block her.

 

“Everyone is allowed to be in love with the wrong person at some point. In fact, it’s a mistake not to be.”

 

There’s no shame in blocking someone, especially someone who hurt you on a fundamental level like the way she hurt me. By blocking her, I’m choosing me. I’m putting me first and making it pretty clear that there is no remote reason for us to ever to be in communication again.

 

I’d only be hurting myself staying in the same space as her (via the ever expansive virtual world.) I’m not being dramatic. Life is just a matter of perspective and my perspective needed to be 100% free of her from my life.

 

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

 

I have ZERO self-control and no shame in admitting that the wound is fresh and the only way to move on is to take a chapter from the generations before us and walk away cleanly. Yes, I am one of those fixating people.

 

Girls seem to hate this simple click of a button that is blocking someone but the truth is those girls are trying to tangibly hold on to some way to stay tied to these people who don’t deserve to be tethered to them.

 

By blocking someone, you’re making a conscious decision to erase that person from your life and that’s absolutely A-Okay in my book!

 

So go on girl, block that jerk whose name you curse every day – you’ll be much saner in the long run because of it.

The thing about loving all in.. is you break all in, too.

“And just like every Ferris Wheel stops turning, oh I guess we had an expiration date.” -Gavin James

When you’ve tossed and turned all night, you wake and the clock reads 4 AM. All you want to do is drift back to sleep. She’s not there next to you where she should be. 

Your mornings start differently now that she’s gone. 

They used to begin with scrambling to find your phone through hazy, tired eyes so you could check for a good morning text from her. Now you wake up in warm sheets and wonder what she’s doing. You wonder how she slept and who she’s sending her good morning texts to. 

You absentmindedly grab your phone and type an “I miss you” message, but never hit send. You force your eyes shut and pray to God to please just allow you to fall back to sleep for just a little bit longer. In your dreams, you might get to see her. If you’re lucky, that is. 

It’s time to get up, you throw the covers off of you and smother the pillow to your face just to release a half-sob, half-scream no one can hear. You roll your eyes, as you slide your pants on, at the fact that you can’t seem to fully let her go.

It’s been way too long, and you still hold on.

You no longer text her about everything that happens in your hectic day. 

On the plus side, you get a lot more done without the frequent distractions caused by her distinct text message alert sound.

You no longer think about her every minute, but the moments that you do are still rough. A memory, of her pulling you close to her and kissing your forehead, will flash before your eyes randomly.

You only put eyeliner and mascara on because you know she likes you best without make-up, and you throw your hair into a messy ponytail because she absolutely loves your hair straight, flowing down your back.

Your heart is at war with your brain: you want to let go, but you just can’t. 

Sometimes you catch yourself thinking about her in the afternoon. That’s how you know you really miss someone, you find yourself thinking of them while you’re wide awake and busy.  

It’s easy to think about someone in the early morning. The whole world is asleep and the darkness has a way of making us feel small and lonely. It’s natural to miss someone when you’re in such a vulnerable state.

You try to go on normally. You sit down at your desk for work, turning your playlist on. After about five songs, the emotions hit you like a damn tidal wave. Your vision gets blurry for just a moment before you swallow down the heartache. Again. 

Your nights are no longer filled with the dates and movies nights the two of you used to have. Now, you go out with friends more often and use books and movies to escape from reality. 

You no longer run to her on the hard days, she’s not there comfort you anymore. 

She’s not there to push you when you want to give up or to hold onto you when the world is crumbling down around you. She’s not there to constantly remind you that things will get better. 

She’s not there to listen to the best parts of your day and see the enthusiasm in your face. She isn’t here to laugh when you tell her about happened at work today. 

The connection between you and her is so fierce it’s like nothing you have ever felt before. It feels like the universe has a magnet on you both and the pull is so powerful that it’s going to shatter you when eventually come crashing together.

At the same time, though, it feels like the universe is playing some sick joke and just trying to break you because if fate would just allow it that you’d light up the world in fireworks when you came together.

She’s not there to love you anymore and that’s what you’re trying to adjust to most. 

You want to let go, but you still believe. 

Your brain says let go, but your heart screams don’t you dare give up. You push it all aside, turn the music all the way up to drown out the thoughts, and go back to real life. Real life without her. 

But you’re learning that you can find love within yourself. 

The bad days only last twenty-four hours. 

You’re learning that it’s okay to live without her. It’s painful, but you’re able to stand on your own. You’re learning that it is okay to miss someone that you know you’ll never have again. Not everything is meant to last. Sometimes two people are meant to fall in love but not to be together; you two are those unfortunate people. 

The love that you felt with her will indeed be felt again with someone else. You know that you will find a love that is great, that’s everything that what you had with her couldn’t be. One day she will find the same. But for now, you are learning to live without her and that’s a mighty big step.

You put on a smile for the day and tell yourself “you’ve got this, you can do this.”

After all, your heart is still beating. Even if it’s beating for her. 

“You left and the world didn’t crumble. I owe the universe a dollar.”

“Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.” –Margaret Lee Runbeck

 

Life knows how to send you through the wringer the moment you think you can finally take a breath. It can destroy you and make you second guess everything. But it can also send you soaring to heights you couldn’t possibly imagine.

 

And that’s what I focus on.

 

You’ve seen my struggles recently. You’ve seen my heart break, my confidence waiver, and my willpower fade. But I want you to know that I am alright.

 

Every day I wake up happy to be where I am. Sure there are some things I would have done differently or would like to be different. I just try not to focus on those. No matter how many times the world has seen me cry and crawl my way through, I’m not unhappy anymore. After spending my time at the bottom of a dark tunnel, I can see the light now.

 

“The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you’re walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That’s the moment you may be starting to get it right.”— Neil Gaiman

 

Yes, I saw the pieces of myself shatter to the ground in slow motion. Like a glass being pushed a little too far off the edge until it couldn’t hold on any longer. And no matter how hard I tried to catch every single piece, the glass ended up all over the floor anyways. And while I’m not completely out of that tunnel, I can see the light shining brighter than I’ve ever seen it shine. It helps me believe it’s 100% possible for me to make it out.

 

But I will build a lighthouse in the wreckage.

 

Where I am will be my new solid ground. No more searching. No more wondering. No more regretting. The tribulations and wins that got me here, are my new reality. An ever-changing reality, but new nonetheless.

 

“She brought out the worst in me and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

 

I focus on my friends who have helped me more than they know. Who have watched me make mistakes and still love me anyways. Who push me to be the best I can be even though I often push back.

 

I focus on my family who tests my limits but help me soar. Who have given me more than I could ever thank them for. Who love me when I’m mad and help me back up when I fall.

 

I focus on myself. I remember the battles I’ve fought, how I never let them break me and how proud I should be of myself. I remember that the world is out there for my taking. I remember through every heartbreak there is something better on the other side.

 

I focus on all of these because they make me realize what really matters in this life. It isn’t the job or the money or the material things. It’s the love and the warmth that come from surrounding yourself with incredible people.

 

“Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.” 

 

I’m happy because I’ve realized my happiness is dependent on myself. I chose to be happy because I no longer wanted things I couldn’t control, to be the things controlling how I felt.

 

I realized it wasn’t anyone else’s job to keep me happy. And that no matter how upsetting a temporary situation may be, it will pass and I have to decide how I will feel after.

 

I’m happy because I have everything I could possibly need in life. I have an amazing family and friends who might as well be family. I have a roof over my head and food to eat. And dreams that keep me going.

 

How could I possibly be unhappy about that?

 

And I’m not talking about the happiness that is shown by a smile or a mood. I’m talking about the deep down happiness of my soul. The happiness that I can look at even when I’m upset or down.

 

The happiness that is always there.

 

“Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache, and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.”  

 

Because in a world turning dark and somber, I’ve learned to make my own little light corner.  Despite the bitter taste that sometimes sneaks to the tip of my tongue. I have no bad words to say.

 

This is why I’m alright. I’m alright because I wouldn’t change those three aspects of my life. I love my friends, my family and most importantly myself.

 

So for those of you who watch me make my mistakes and struggle through my confusions, when all is said and done, I’m going to be okay. I might look very lost right now, but I have a good idea of where I’m going.

 

Trust me when I say these things.

 

I am still going to mess up. I will fall to my naïve thoughts and continue to wish on shooting stars. I have internal battles I fight myself on every day. Just like I assume you do, too. I’m going to get frustrated and confused. I’m going to feel lost and heartbroken. But that’s because I’m young and trying to figure out this thing called life. And I still have quite a few things to figure out, but I’m happy. My heart hurts but it’s fading. My confidence is still a bit shaky, but it’s steadying. My willpower is still faded, but it’s growing.

 

And no, my life isn’t perfect. My past haunts me and my present has its challenges. But my future is bright and the unknown doesn’t scare me as much anymore.

 

So if you see me sad and confused and struggling to make it through the day, just know I am actually alright. Know that no matter what I am happy inside.

 

“There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over; the wound is closed and healed, done with.”

Today, I accept you: Living with Anxiety.

You slowly snuck into my life in my late teens and since then you have tightened your grip on me. You have found ways to change me and mold me into a person that I do not want to be. You have made me shy, afraid of people and situations, and overthink things to the point of ruining them. You have found ways to make me cry over things like a text message gone unanswered, a conversation from 3 weeks ago that suddenly crept into my mind, something ridiculous someone else may or may not have posted on social media that was either pointed towards me or may not have had anything to do with me at all, or even that person who laughed as I walked away, you made me think it was me they were laughing at.

You have somehow turned my dreams and goals into nightmares and wishes. Things that I once would have done in a heartbeat I have to convince myself are no longer worth it. You made me feel that I was invisible to the world; no matter what I would try to do it didn’t matter anymore.  You thrive off of my isolation. Yes, I isolate myself, but only to keep you hidden.

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You made me miss out on so many things in my life, going out with friends, taking chances on a regular basis, making mistakes, because I was too afraid of the outcome. I would rather stay in my little bubble where I know what to expect than to give you the chance to tear me back down again.

You’d know that when my texting becomes short, or I stop replying at all I just don’t have the energy to do so. You’d know that when I’m reading an entire book in a day that I’m trying to drown myself in a different world. That if I fell asleep extra early I’m trying to escape my thoughts..

I thought that if I didn’t acknowledge you, you would disappear. Instead, you made me into a scared, lonely, desperate shell of the person I once was. Anxiety changed my life, my personality, and honestly, it broke my heart. 

In a world where emotions make people uncomfortable, and real conversations are hard to have, it’s just easier to smile and laugh than to cry and vent. So here we are: you thinking I’m happy and perfect, and me feeling anything but. From the outside, I’m calm and relaxed, effortlessly at ease. And inside I’m a mess, fragile and vulnerable, and desperate for help.

I am tired of fighting against you, trying to rid myself of you, trying to make myself better than you. Today, I accept you.  I accept that you are a part of me and I cannot just get over anxiety and depression.  However, I will stop you from tearing me down piece by piece, I won’t let you fill me with sorrow or tell me that I am worthless or unloved.  I know I am loved, I know I am worthy of love, I know that I am enough. 

Today I will accept that the past cannot be changed, but the future is mine to design.  I will break down the walls I put in place so long ago and accept the support of those around me.  I will move on from this, and be a much stronger person, the type of person that you have told me I couldn’t be.

I am not my anxiety and depression, I am me!

“It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.”

/ / Stop holding on to people who keep letting go of you. Pay attention to those who are loyal. The ones you can trust without question. The people you don’t have to impress. The ones who have your back and love you with no strings attached.

Thanks to the ones who have stood by me through that. I can’t apologize for who I am or what my diagnosis is, I can thank you for everything you all have done for me.

I think there is something quite beautiful about drunk honesty. Those moments, where alcohol has allowed every wall to come down. The only thing you have left to do is break down. Not just a normal breakup, a full fled basket case of tears, with your makeup running black and long, down your face. The only thing you have left are arms holding you at your weakest. It’s those moments you turn to someone you might not usually, and you just tell them everything and they’re there for you.

That’s rock bottom. When you’ve kept it together way too long. Sometimes you see it as weakness, but I see it as you’ve been strong for too long. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Because it’s in your moments, you are at your worst, the people who matter come forward and save you from yourself.

It can be easy at times to fixate on those who have hurt me instead of those who have helped me, and I seem to think more about those who have torn me down, then those who have helped to build me up.

So, I’m sorry that I seem to spend so much time thinking about those who left, that I fail to realize just how many of you actually stayed.

I’m well aware that there have been many times where it would’ve been easier for you to leave, for you to run away, for you to disappear… but you didn’t. Through it all, through thick and thin, through good and bad, you’ve been there. When everyone else left me and made me believe that I was unworthy of love, you all were there, waiting to show me just how much I’m loved. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it.

Sometimes I think that the things you do for me are just part of the “friendship contract” when in reality, all of you have gone above and beyond the normal job description of a friend to be there for me. Many of you have had sleepless nights thinking and worrying about me and what tomorrow may bring. All of you love me enough to accept that I’m only human and that more often than not, I’m far from perfect.

Sometimes I forget that friends aren’t obligated to climb the highest mountain; many times they do it because they care maybe more than they should. 

At times I don’t seem to understand that you all are human, too. You have your own obligations, your own personal journeys and your own lives. You may not always be able to be there for me because of this, and I think many times I don’t understand that. You not being able to be there for me doesn’t mean you do not love me or care for me; it just means that you have your own path to walk, and sometimes you can’t tread on that path to help pick me up off the side of the road. Sometimes you can’t and that’s okay, even if at the time I don’t realize it.

Because you’re human, sometimes you won’t say the right thing. Sometimes it’ll get too much and you’ll need your space. Sometimes it’ll get too much and I’ll need my space. I know you never mean to let your words hurt me, and I know that you never want to see me hurting.

“But most importantly when you do get hurt, whether it’s by someone else, or a direct reflection of your own actions, I think it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. And in that moment you hit rock bottom, remember the only place you can go from there is up.”

I need you to know that I see you as human, and I know you cannot possibly always have the answers to my very difficult questions and that sometimes there is nothing you can say to help me; that’s okay too. You do not have to have all of the answers to my life questions nor are you exempt from making mistakes and accidentally saying something hurtful.

Thank you for loving me at my very worst… I have a tough time accepting myself in those moments. I’m not the person I usually am…but even then you accept me. Even then you love me. Also, thank you for reminding me who I am at my best, and you don’t let me at my worst, replace all the good I’ve done before that. You define me by the better moments not the bad stuff. Thank you for helping me to become better… you’ve walked with me, helping me to learn., you’ve helped me to grow, and you want better for me. Even first, if that meant not being at all okay because sometimes before you can become better, you have to be worse. Thank you for reminding me who I am…For the moments you told me, I’m better than whatever it is that broke me. And not defining me, by my mistakes. And forgiving me always.

But mostly – Thank you for picking me up and dusting me off and reminding me to try again… and were there to tell me, today is a new day.

“You know what’s out there…the world. You’re gonna learn from it every day. You’re gonna make mistakes. You’re gonna make good friends…But when you are not a little boy anymore, when the world taught you how to be this man, you’re still gonna make mistakes. But your family and your friends you made along the way will help you. Even though it seems like the world has gone out of it’s way to teach you these tough lessons, it’s the same world that has given you those friends and family. And you’ll come to believe that the world will protect you too.” 

In a world where I have been made to feel like a monster, you have helped me feel as if there are at least some people who still believe in me and my ability to be the best person I can be.

There have been so many times during this journey where I’ve considered giving up, I still have days like that; what gets me through is knowing that even if the whole world is against me, I still have you ladies in my corner.

I’m not fighting this battle alone because of you, I’m not crying every night because of your support, and I’m not sitting here feeling broken because of your love. Instead, I’m smiling with you, laughing with you, and trying to continuously remind you why you became my friend in the first place.

I owe you that much.

Food for Thought on a Sunday: Love is Not All We Need

Love alone is not and never will be enough to sustain a relationship. 

If love were sufficient, more people would be together. More people would wake up next to the one that they love every single morning. 

But one day it just all clicks… it all sets in and you’ve had enough when you finally come to the conclusion that you deserve a lot better than what you have been receiving from your loved one – or when you realize that the person that you’re with is just not compatible with the needs and desires that you have in your heart, even when you’re both in love. It sucks, but the reality is, love sometimes is not enough to sustain a long-lasting relationship. 

If there are certain things about that person that you’re beginning to think that you can’t live with – that’s when you have to put your feelings aside and evaluate if a relationship with this person is something worth your heart and time. You might want to try and bend yourself every which way to make things work, but if you’re going too far away from who you are, you will eventually break. 

“The sad truth is so many people are in love and not together and so many people are together and not in love.” -Unknown

That is one of the hardest things to accept and one of the most unfair parts of life.

If love were enough, people wouldn’t break up when things stopped working or get divorced when life became too much to handle. People wouldn’t call it quits after twenty years of being together because the truth is, there is usually still love, but the weight of reality overcomes it.

The truth is, we all have things that we can and cannot accept from a person, deal breakers if you may, and it might not have anything to do with the person being bad. It has everything to do with two people being on the same page or not. 

In my past, I asked myself for so long when enough would be enough for me – literally for years upon years. “At what point will there be a final straw?” I wondered how much longer I could take it when I started feeling that my relationship was not fulfilling me anymore. Sure, it wasn’t ‘all her fault’ – I may have also played a part in it. There’s always two sides of the story. It takes two to tango and two to end a relationship. 

Love can bring you so much joy, but can also destroy every bone in your body. When you’re in love but the stars are simply not aligned for the two of you to make things happen, it can be devastating to have to let go. It sucks to accept that who you are; flaws, virtues, baggage and all are not strong of a foundation to uphold the love that you have for each other. 

Love is strong and deep, yes, but it’s just one of many things needed to maintain a strong, healthy relationship. 

There needs to be trust, devotion, commitment, and security. There needs to be motivation, encouragement, and communication. 

You must have common goals and views on life. There needs to be understanding, forgiveness, grace, and unconditional love.

There are people who can tolerate many things and there are some people who can’t. Either way, deep down you know what your heart needs and what your limits are. Don’t ever let anyone make you believe otherwise, When you’ve had enough, you’ll find the strength in yourself to live your truth, let go and move on from the situation that you are in. 

They say that love makes you crazy and maybe it does, but true love should make you so much more than that.

If you aren’t with someone that makes you a better person, what are you doing?

Love may not be enough, but you should still be your best self around the person you love. You should wake up every day thinking you can conquer the world with them by your side.

Love should make you kinder, sweeter, brighter, more motivated, more goal oriented, more appreciative, more patient, happier, and the list goes on. Love should bring out your very best qualities and attributes. People should be able to look at you and see the positive changes. 

Love is supposed to change everything for the better but sometimes that doesn’t happen. 

Love hurts and cheats, slanders and stings. Love tears people apart and destroys. 

Love is the strongest force known to man. It’s something everyone wants, but it should also be something that everyone fears.  

There are so many factors that play into a relationship and anyone that thinks, “if there is love, things will work out” obviously has a lot to learn about life. 

In a perfect world, love would be sufficient. It would cover the problems, bring people together in difficult times, and provide permanent and eternal security. But this is not a perfect world and there is nothing that love can guarantee. Love doesn’t always make things or people better. 

Love is not enough on its own and it never will be… and the sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be. 

BUT when you realize this… don’t feel like there’s something wrong with you. You’re entitled to perceive the world as you wish and find someone who is more in tune with what your heart desires 

There is no time limit on when someone should finally move on and know when enough is enough for them. Take your time. If you two can make it work, do what you have to do and I wish the absolute best for you two. If not, then it was a love well lasted. 

At the end of the day, make the decision that will ensure your happiness in the end. Not his, hers, or anyone else’s, but YOURS. 

Being your daughter is one of the greatest blessings in my life.

 

Today is Father’s Day and although I know that it isn’t a “super special occasion,” I wanted to take a second to celebrate you because we do so, so rarely. 

I could start off by saying thank you, but there wouldn’t nearly be enough words for me to write to fully express just how thankful I really am.

Thank you for instilling in me the importance of hard work. Thank you for teaching me the value of a dollar. Thank you for being proud of me as a parent, as a career-driven individual, and as your daughter. Thank you for never letting me think I’m not able to achieve my dreams.

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But most of all, thank you for being my dad and loving me unconditionally. I know I don’t say it enough, so I hope this can be a constant reminder of how proud and thankful I am for you, and also how much I love you. I promise to always be your little girl.

It’s been a tough year (who are you kidding?) Every time that I take a step back to reflect on all of the struggles from this past year, on all of the things I’ve personally been through I begin to realize how minimal they are compared to your past year – it all just seems so small when I reflect on what you’ve been through – but hey, you’ve come a long way and for that, I’m so proud and so happy.

I know that we aren’t always on the best of terms, we don’t always see eye to eye, however, with all of that being said, that doesn’t change my love for you. I love you so much that it scares me to know that one day you won’t always be here.

While you’ve always been hard on me, you’ve always wished the best success for me. You’ve always pushed me to do my best and celebrated all of my successes. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without you.

I’ve watched you love hard and fully, and I’ve watched your loss. I’ve been there through the riches and the poorest. We’ve survived all the highs and lows, together, me and you.

You’ve shown me what it was like to truly love someone, and you’ve never let me settle for less (even that one time when you knew I was but let me make that mistake anyways.) You’re always honest with me, even if its sometimes something I don’t want to hear. You’ve taught me how to be independent, open-minded, and sincere, even if it comes back to bite me in the butt sometimes.

Over the years you watched a few people come and go as they broke your little girl’s heart, either intentionally or not. I know it wasn’t easy for you to sit back and be passive. But you honored my wishes. For me to be independent and do things for myself. I appreciate that. You know how stubborn and independent I can be, and that I get it from Mom. 

More than anything I just want you to know that through all of those years and all of those things you’ve said to me, I was listening. I was listening when you told me how much I am worth, and that no boy (or girl!) should ever make me feel any less. I was listening when you held me while I cried. I was listening when you took care of me while I was sick or that one time when I decided to run my car into a ditch and break my ankle. But most of all I was listening when you told me that you loved me. Because through all of these things, I knew that you would always be on my side

You’ve held my hand through all my failures and reminded me of how proud you are, even when it doesn’t feel like it. You have always had my best interests in mind, no matter what. No matter the case, I am always so proud to be your daughter. I am proud of the man you are, the man who raised me. I’m sorry I don’t tell you enough or show how appreciative I am.

Being your daughter is one of the greatest blessings in my life. I know that I have your constant love and support no matter what I do or where I go. I wish I could see you more often. I wish we got to spend more time together. I hope you know that I think of you all the time. I hope you know that I miss you and that I always look forward to seeing you.

With all of the love in the world, 

Your little girl